nenspiloke

DATING ADVICE FORUM

❤️ Click here: Dating a bachelor over 40

I will be 40 in about 3 weeks, but have been married for 11 years and have 3 kids. Those guys are out there.

I was married and divorced in my twenties, focused on career in my thirties and met my ex husband when I was 38. He may be scared of entering into a serious, committed relationship for a number of reasons.

Dating a Long-Term Bachelor - And besides, you may feel a bit rusty—even nervous! When he left…he took my face in his hands, looked me in the eye and said, you will see me again.

Prior to our relationship he had been in only one long term relationship 14 months , in which he was engaged for about 3 months before he abruptly ended it and blamed her for not being over her ex-husband. This relationship ended two years prior to our meeting. Having such a strong connection early on, I expressed that I would be open to marriage. In the following months, he has talked about getting engaged, living together, and getting married. To the extent that when he joined a country club recently he told me he was putting me down as his wife. I have met all of his friends, his parents, and his siblings. He does not hide me, and even talked about me and our future plans in his Christmas letter for his friends, family and clients. Although, five months is pretty fast, it has felt nothing more than natural. Then, three weeks ago, I noted he was still friends with his ex-fiance on Facebook and I asked him to remove her. I had a cheating spouse and although I feel these are my trust issues, I trusted this man beyond the confines of Facebook. And does not feel he wants to enter into any kind of financial contract with me but he still wants us to move forward and not end our relationship. Now, I am confused. So, I am still confused, bewildered, and feel he is pushing me away. However, instead of wanting to talk about all of this, he tells me he loves me and cares for me deeply. But he tells me he is unsure of how to proceed. OH… HELLO… he has been the one all along who has been talking of this. Yes, I am certainly ready to marry him, as up until now I could honestly say I had met the man of my dreams, my soul mate. Sure, I felt we were ready to continue to move forward but now I am just confused. I am giving him the time and space for him to think about what he wants, told him to take his time to really make the best choice for him. I am heart broken to say the least, after my divorce three years ago married 17 years I thought I would never open my heart up again to this magnitude. I feel lost and helpless. Should I wait it out? Does he just have cold feet? Am I wrong to think that he has kept his ex his friend because he wants to keep a door open to a possible reconcilliation? What am I missing? Thanks in advance for your point of view! Anna Dear Anna, Thanks for your question. Hopefully we can shed some light on your situation. Typically, you meet, you fall in love, you get married, you buy a house, and you have kids. But beginning a relationship in your 40s is a whole different ballgame. Those extra twenty years are full of life experiences. Some people might call this baggage, but we feel that often has a negative connotation associated with it. We like to say people have just matured and seasoned a bit, as the two of you have. But from our point of view, you seem like an easy person to be with. As far as his ex-wife on Facebook, well, that is a non-issue. That bodes well for your relationship if it works out. They just have to be with this woman Stage 2. For a while at least. They start thinking she might be the one. Hmm…Do I want to be with her forever? The reality stage is a big deal for guys. This is the fork in the road. Many guys bolt here, and some guys decide to proceed forward, although still scared. Getting from Stage 1 to Stage 5 can take two weeks or two years. Those are random numbers to illustrate a point. Each guy is different. You are currently at Stage 5. And you are waiting patiently. And yes, you should wait it out. Yes, at some point you need to talk all of these issues through. Good luck and hang in there, THE GUYS ps. Let your friends know about us. Give us some love on Twitter. I will say though that whether we realize it or not, we put our best version of ourselves at the forefront when carrying on an online relationship. For some people the difference is minor…for some it is major. I did that, and ended up getting burned badly. He pursued me from the beginning. We have spent almost every weekend together since then. We spoke on the phone 5-6 times a day. He would wake me in the morning, I would call on my way to work, he would call in the afternoon when he got up works midnights , call on his way to work and then again when he found out what his evening was going to be like at work. We rarely texted or emailed…he prefers to speak. We have taken several trips and are great traveling companions. He likes my boys teenagers and they will all gang up and tease me. We have all kinds of inside jokes and phrases that just the two of us get. We both love sports and enjoy watching together. I love to cook and frequently make his favorite foods. Late in May, my oldest graduated high school. My parents and my brother came over and my boyfriend spent time with them first time meeting them. Everyone got along great! He could talk to my brother about sports, my dad about traveling and was very sweet to my mother who uses a walker. He helped her bring her food to the table and helped her get seated. I was thrilled that everything seemed to be going along so great. We were even talking about when we would go to the lake this summer. Memorial Day we went to a baseball game together, came back and we cooked for all the teenage boys that were at my house and he spent the night. Wednesday he took off work to go to the baseball game with his buddy and then came over to my house and again, spent the night. Saturday I had invited him over for dinner and I cooked one of his favorites. After dinner, he had to leave for work so I walked him out. On the front porch he pulled me into his arms and I asked was everything okay…had I done something to upset him. He said…no, but we need to talk. Tears filled my eyes and I asked…what? He said no…but said that he was starting to feel obligated when we talked about future things. He called me after work and asked did I still want him to come over. I said yes, of course so he came. We sat on my bed and he started telling me that he needs some time to figure out his emotions. That no woman has ever been so good to him…cooking for him, complimenting him, taking care of him. I was sitting there with tears streaming down my face not looking at him…he laid in front of me so I had to look at his face as he talked. He would brush my tears away and kiss my tears away. He would kiss my forehead and the tip of my nose while stroking my leg. He would get up to get me kleenex and water. He said he was scared of his emotions and needed time to figure it all out. He said he needed time to miss me. He held me tight…let me cry…stroking my hair and scratching my back. He stayed for almost 5 hours before he finally left. When he left…he took my face in his hands, looked me in the eye and said, you will see me again. He kissed me for a few minutes and then left. Most people are telling me that he broke up with me and was just being nice about it. Several people guy I work with who knows him, older female friend who has dated as an older woman think that he honestly got scared but that he will be in contact with me.. What do I do? How long do I wait? Thanks for any help you can give me!!! Yes, you had a break up of sorts, but more of an open-ended breakup. Questions for you: How long has he been divorced? And: Has he had any serious girlfriends since? No sex with other women…ever. He can now go where he wants, pursue what he wants, work on the projects he wants to, and sleep with as many women as he wants. Someone who treated him like gold, cooked for him, took care of him, probably met all his physical expectations too. Worked through the demons from his marriage—friends with his ex—and feels comfortable with who he is. A month is a short time to figure that out. We suggest, giving him space. But we think he will. After that it would be okay to send a nice text saying hi, but let him be the initiator for anything more serious. Please keep us posted and let us know how this progresses. And feel free to ask as many follow up questions as you need. He and the ex have been apart for several years now. He has dated some other women but I am his first serious girlfriend since the divorce. He even mentioned something about that when we had our talk. And yes…I took care of all his physical expectations and even taught him a few new tricks. I remember he also said when we had our conversation that he felt I was giving more in the relationship than he was. Not sure why he feels that way or what that means in context with the rest of the conversation. I have taken a vow of at least 30 days with no contact and then we will see what happens. If nothing else, I will be that much further down the road of healing. Thank you for your positive words! I will keep you updated! Well, we like your positive attitude. It makes him uncomfortable. He also probably has second guessed himself a bunch as well. And just see what happens. Time will tell here. What do I do now? The very thought of dating someone else makes me sick to my stomach. But personally I am doing better. Do I contact him? Is there still a chance that he will contact me and come back? Was he lying to me the whole time? Keep focusing on yourself. If he really wanted to be in touch he would be. Hang in there and keep in touch. You sound much more positive, which is nice. Said he meant what he said but the longer he went without calling, the harder it was to make the call. He said all the same things again.. He said his thinking was all screwed up when it came to me. He did ask me was I seeing anyone. But then he said he would like us to be friends. He asked all about my children and what was going on with them. He asked about me and my job and my family. We talked for about an hour. Okay…what does this all mean?? What do I do now? He left it with telling me that he will be back in touch. Robyn, keep being patient for a little while longer. See what happens in the next few weeks to a month. But if the same stuff keeps happening, then you need to ask yourself if being friends with this guy is really good for you? Because if you want more with him, and are always hoping that might happen, seeing him as friends on a regular basis—or even semi-regular—is not going to be good for your emotional well-being. First it was 3 weeks after the 1st call.. He asks all about my boys.. I told him he was wrong.. He then told me he feels so stupid for how he did me and how he left things. This past Saturday he called me on his way to work…and then again on his way home. Asked would it be okay if he came by to see me and I said ok. It was a little awkward at first…but he hugged me and told me how much he missed me. We talked and laughed and did alot of the stuff we always did together…and then he kissed me…and it just felt right. I ended up asking him over for Thanksgiving dinner…and he seemed eager to accept the invitation. I need to know what his intentions are… What do you think? What should I do now? Clearly you need to see this through because this situation is hindering your ability to date other guys, or at least be open to them. Or if you see him sooner. But be careful not to jump in the fray right away. Seriously, you need to understand these things. And definitely do not involve him much with your kids until the two of you are firmly established. I am a single mom of 2, full-time job, master degree,etc. We met, things went fast. We dated for 3 months. Within the first 2 weeks, he had a get together at his family so they can meet me. We went to church together. He text me all day every move he made. Every now and then he would get angry saying that I was dominate or pushing. I gave him a gift for valentines and he was angry saying that I only gave him that to stay during the bad times. He used to ask me if I would get bored with him. He used to say that if we had a breakup, it would be bad. I worked full-time, in college to, plus kids and coach and gave him anything left of me. After the relationship he had previous to ours he was living check to check, had to work all overtime at 2 jobs, house note, car and truck notes and stuff he got when he was with her. In his home all he had was a sofer and tv. If feels like he was ashamed of the position he was in. He needed roommates to save money etc. Well one day we had our first disagreement and I got up and walked away. He told me that showed him that I would leave him for good. Which That does not show that all. He called my house crying that night and then the next day came and broke up with me. We never cursed each other, cheated, lied, etc. But once a month he responds to my text. Its been 3 months. This last time he actually called me back but we talked about my son, that is not his. But he sounded like he did not want to get off the phone with me but I ended conversation before it got awkward. But his responding is within minutes now. I blame mostly everything on me. Maybe he thought breaking up was the only way for him to handle his problems. Since our breakup he does have a roommate, the guy he was thinking about asking when we was together. He likes to drink alot especially when he has problems. I never seen him violent but he says he gets violently drunk. The question I have is what is he thinking? Is there a chance of getting him back? What should or can I do? I want to know your opinion on what possibly can be going on or goals he may have on his side and what can I do to possible have him to initiate the contact instead of me. I do still have his work schedule that he gave me plus the vacation plans we made. His house is on my way to work. I can tell you that if he is not at work at the time he is scheduled then he is home. Stuck in that house. Thanks again for your donation. We do appreciate it. Remember, you already have two kids that are your first priority. Honestly, we know you really dig this guy, but our gut tells us that this is not the kind of relationship you need right now. You want someone who is as together as you are. Those guys are out there. This should tell you his state of mind. So we keep coming back to: Do you really want to try this again, or wait around for him to get his act together? Will he come back?

Key Points About Dating Men Over 40 (or 50)
Again, this impacts the way in which those products appear on the site. And btw I zip your blog posts on sassy shoes and boots!. Avoid putting pressure on him to live together or get married. Your RTO is responsible to make sure they meet compliance. In over 40 dating, without doubt, you make your own luck. Meeting and falling in love with a sincere, mature partner is a worthy priority in your life; the only problem is how to find them. While being authentic is key, being a pill or a grouch is unlikely to have people salivating to spend an evening with you. You can take anything. And you're seeking love for the first time or are starting again, over 40 dating can feel daunting. My stepmom was 42 or something when she met my dad. Researchers at the University of British Columbia found that unlike arrogance, pride can be turn on.